


When the time comes, I shan't be far

by trialbyfic



Series: It's been too long [2]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Body Modification, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Medical Malpractice, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Sibling Bonding, alcohol mention, at least I don't think so, jonny and nastya are basically siblings, none of it's too graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24903262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trialbyfic/pseuds/trialbyfic
Summary: An exploration into Jonny's grief after Nastya disappears, and what happens when she comes back.
Relationships: Jonny d'Ville & Nastya Rasputina
Series: It's been too long [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801984
Comments: 18
Kudos: 136





	When the time comes, I shan't be far

**Author's Note:**

> hey, look! i wrote a part two! 
> 
> it was kind of hard to write comfort and not go too ooc, so i hope i did okay! again, if i've missed any tags, please let me know! i don't think the body modification is too graphic, but i'm not really sure. 
> 
> the title is from Nastya's origin song, "Cyberian Demons"!

S.S. AURORA - PASSENGERS ABOARD - LOADING INFORMATION:

  
Grief, Jonny knows, has 5 stages. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

  
PASSENGER 1: JONNY D'VILLE - FIRST MATE. STATUS: ALIVE.

  
That's never how it's worked out for him. He's only ever dealt with two of those stages.

  
PASSENGER 2: ASHES O'REILLY - QUARTERMASTER. STATUS: ALIVE.

  
First, there's Denial.

PASSENGER 3: RAPHAELLA LA COGNIZI - SCIENCE OFFICER. STATUS: ALIVE.

  
Denial that tells him he could be a hitman for One Eyed Jack, repay his father's debt, and they'd be fine. That, surely, Jack's ruthlessness couldn't extend to him, and these jobs wouldn't eventually mean the demise of his father by Jonny's own hands.

  
PASSENGER 4: THE TOY SOLDIER - JUST HERE. STATUS: STILL PRETENDING.

  
Denial that lets him hang onto the promises being hissed through sickly yellow fangs and lips dribbling with bright red blood. No, there won't be any more Mechanisms. This one is the last. Their death was so terrible, though. They can't be left like that. They'll be so useful. They agreed, it wouldn't be right to deny their final wishes.

  
PASSENGER 5: GUNPOWDER TIM - GUNNER. STATUS: ALIVE.

  
Denial that reassures him that Nastya's simply sulking somewhere in the ship, avoiding the rest of the crew for whatever reason- maybe they've wronged her, made her angry. Nastya can hold onto a grudge if she needs to.

  
PASSENGER 6: MARIUS VON RAUM - MEDIC. STATUS: ALIVE.

  
And then, there is Anger.

  
PASSENGER 7: DRUMBOT BRIAN - PILOT. STATUS: ALIVE.

  
Anger that makes him burn down a casino and take off into space with a strange, dangerous doctor.

  
PASSENGER 8: IVY ALEXANDRIA - ARCHIVIST. STATUS: ALIVE.

  
Anger that makes him shove said doctor out of an airlock.

  
PASSENGER 9: NASTYA RASPUTINA - ENGINEER. STATUS: ???

  
Anger that makes him shoot out terminal screens, sparks and glass raining down on him as he storms out of the room.

  
Jonny d'Ville is not a stranger to grief, though he desperately wishes he was.

  
***

  
"She has to be somewhere in here, right? The Aurora doesn't lie about who's aboard!"

  
"Jonny, have you considered that the Aurora's grieving too? Maybe... maybe Nastya's really gone. Left out of an airlock, or something."

  
Jonny glares at Ashes. "It doesn't make sense for her to leave without telling us, though. Or for her not to come back, at least. We always come back to the Aurora. All of us."

"We've looked everywhere," Tim speaks up. "Every closet, every vent, every corner. We've scoured the entire Aurora for her, and unless she's actively moving her position to dodge us, she's not here. Even then, there's no way she'd have managed to keep that up for- how long has it been now?"

  
"2 centuries, 4 decades, 5 years, 3 months, and 0 days," Ivy supplies.

  
Jonny feels frantic now. "There could be a room, somewhere. Hidden, off the blueprints, and we can't find it-"

  
"Then, if she's gone through that much trouble to make herself hidden, maybe we shouldn't be trying to find her." Ashes says. "She wants to be left alone, so we leave her alone. But, still, that's if she's here. Which she probably isn't."

  
Jonny wants to plead that he can't just let Nastya be, because the moment he saw her brought onto the ship, cold and limp and dead and so young- the moment he saw the horrid gleam of creation sparkle in the eyes of the doctor that held her- he swore he'd protect her. (Not from bullets from his own gun, though. No one was spared that. But those didn't count as real threats, like the doctor was, or the endless vacuum of space.)

  
Of course he's considered that the Aurora is grieving, lying to herself and to them. But he despises lingering on that for too long. If Nastya's dead for good, then he's failed to protect her. And as the doctor marched into her lab, ignorant to Jonny's cries- cries that she can't make another Mechanism, can't do this to another person, it's such an awful procedure and the girl is so young, please- he'd refused to fail Nastya again.

  
"Let her go, Jonny." Marius says firmly. "Most of us have come to accept it by now. I think it's time you've started to accept it, too. Nastya is dead."

  
But there is no acceptance in Jonny d'Ville's grief. And with his denial already expressed, there is anger as he draws his gun and fires wildly into the floor, into the wall, into whatever screens sit nearby. Anger, as he stalks down the halls and back to his bedroom. Anger, as he lets out rare sobs of frustration, of fear, of wondering why Nastya is gone. Anger, as he knows he could not find her in the cold expanse of space if he wanted to, nor can he find her in the Aurora.

  
He's undoubtedly failed her, now. And he is so, so angry.

  
***

  
Time used to mean nothing to Jonny. Hell, he's immortal, why should it? It's not like it affects him. He doesn't age, and with as many adventures as they've gone on, arguably every date can be assigned something to make it "important".

  
Until there is one date that means everything. One date that he's been keeping track of ever since he realized what it was. (His version of 'keeping track' is asking Ivy how long it's been, words slurred as he swirls a drink in his hand.)

  
The day itself wasn't special, he recalls. The only thing of note that happened was the simple realization that he hadn't seen Nastya at all that day; wasn't special, until that became the truth for the next day, next week, next year, next decade, century, millennium. Next forever.

  
It's only when he runs over the events of the days before that he notices the things that were off- Nastya, more silent and down-trodden than usual, and an unusually angry outburst from her as he shot into a section of the Aurora's wall, with the shouted words "original plating" standing out.

  
And though he reflects on the past like this, he doesn't dwell on the "what if's" of it. It doesn't do any good, for as non-linear as their timeline seems to be, there is still an inability to change the harsh past, and no way to predict the cold future. It clashes hard with his anger, however, creating a distinct and aching sense of helplessness that makes his metal heart skip beats, and tears build in his eyes. (He always cries so easily when it comes to Nastya. He's angry at that, too)

  
This is what he tells himself, standing in Nastya's long abandoned room, clutching the warm and heavy Cyberian coat that she was swathed in when he'd first seen her. It's been 5 thousand years Keplan, to the exact day, since she's been gone. (That's what Ivy told him, eyebrows raised in surprise at his unusual sobriety as he asked.) He roughly swipes at a rogue tear and tosses the coat down as he leaves the room.

  
Jonny's walking to the Common when he hears it- a series of bangs and thumps a few halls down, as if someone's kicking the wall, and then the clatter of metal falling onto metal. Curious, he starts heading to the source, and as he gets closer, he can tell that someone is crying. It's a crying that sounds terribly, painfully familiar, and he feels like he's been hit with more force than the strongest gunshot. He's certain would fall to his knees with the shock of it, if he wasn't already racing toward the source.

  
And there, he sees her. Nastya, face down, splayed on the ground and heaving sobs into her arms. There's a panel on the ground beside her, in front of an exposed vent. Jonny only hesitates for a moment before dashing to her side and gathering her up in his arms. She's shaking badly, which only makes him hold her tighter.

  
"You're here now," he whispers, his tone bordering consoling and disbelieving. "You're here now." Nastya tries to grip his arm, but she is weak, barely able to hold herself up. The Toy Solider and Brian round the corner soon after, drawn by the commotion.

  
"Solider, help me carry Nastya to the Common," Jonny immediately commands. It obeys, coming to Nastya's other side and slinging her arm across it's shoulders as Jonny brings her into a standing position. They quickly stride past a confused and shocked Brian, who stands numbly in place before following after them.

  
They meet Ashes and Tim in the Common, and Jonny grins widely at them. "Told you she was somewhere in the ship!" he laughs righteously, settling Nastya into one of the chairs. "That's where you were, right, Nastya?"

  
Nastya tries to reply, but her mouth moves soundlessly, her voice gone from years of non-use, and she closes it with a frustrated snap, then nods. She looks thoroughly exhausted, Jonny notes, and tears are still streaming down her face. (Unbidden, he recalls a time so long ago, as Nastya sits atop a surgery table, sobs of terror ripping themselves from her throat as she stares, mortified, at the newly silver veins beneath her skin.)

  
Jonny sits on the armrest of the chair beside Nastya and wraps his arm around her, holding her close. And if he automatically starts slowly, softly rocking her from side to side... Well, who's going to stop him?

  
If his crew mates are surprised at his displays of affection, they don't show it. In fact, they are silent, seeming very lost on what to do, until Ashes breaks the quiet.

  
"Where was she?"

  
"Looked like she came from a vent I've never seen before," Brian says. "I don't think it's on the blueprints, either."

  
"Wait, were you in the same place the entire time?" Tim asks, looking pointedly at Nastya. She nods.

  
"Fuck," Jonny breathes, and then announces, "We should let Marius have a look at her. Maybe Raphaella, too. I don't know what five thousand years in the same place does to a person, but it can't be great."

  
"I'll go get them," Ashes volunteers, and they return a few minutes later with Raphaella and Marius in tow, carrying various medical and examination equipment. Jonny moves away to give them space to work, but he still hovers nearby.

  
After Nastya's given a clean bill of health besides general weakness and an inability to use her voice yet, which Marius claims is a "fucking miracle, five thousand years of not moving an inch, holy shit", she's brought to her room to finally rest.

  
"Did you even sleep at all during that time?" Jonny asks, as he helps lower her onto her bed. Nastya shakes her head.

  
"Well. Shit." Is all Jonny can think to say. He stands there awkwardly for a second, wanting to say something, but he's at a loss for words. He eventually turns to leave, but Nastya's hand finds his arm, her grip stronger than last time, and she pulls him back to her. This, he knows, is his cue to stay until she falls asleep, and so he situates himself on the bed beside Nastya, her hand resting comfortably in his. Soon enough, her body goes slack and her breathing slows down, so Jonny takes his leave. (He's learned the hard way that Nastya's an active sleeper, and he does not want to be awoken by an elbow to the ribs.)

  
***

  
"This is the room you spent five thousand years in?"

  
Nastya nods, gingerly picking up the bit of Aurora's original hull and placing it in her pocket.

  
"How did you not fucking die of boredom?"

  
"Fuck you," Nastya says, and those are the first words she's been able to say with true clarity since coming back. Jonny dissolves into an elated fit of laughter once he realizes it- "First proper words in centuries, and it's to tell me to fuck off!"- and Nastya has to drag him out of the room.

  
A few days after that, the Aurora seems more lively than she has in ages. Her engines hum louder, lights flash brighter, and terminals show with more clarity. Jonny reasons that Nastya's finally had a converstaion with her, and resolved whatever lover's dilemma had plagued them, which Nastya later confirms.

  
"I'd felt like I was losing the Aurora, since her original parts were slowly being replaced," Nastya explains, "but, I know now that she is not gone. She has simply changed, just as I have. As we all have."

  
***

  
Jonny is there when Nastya sends the last bit of the original Aurora's hull into a star that they're passing by. He watches it drift further and further away into the shimmering heat of the star, where it will be cremated.

  
"I missed you, you know," Jonny says quietly. "We all did."

  
"I know. But I am here now. You won't need to miss me again."

  
"I better fucking not."


End file.
